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the faerie underground

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eating disorders community [Jul. 26th, 2007]

For any one here who deals with an eating disorder sous alimente is a new community offering support and encouragement.

I know there are many of us who are at war with our bodies and who cannot stand the figure they see when they stand in front of the mirror. We gain comfort when our tummies are begging for food while so many others are comforted by filling themselves with sweet things that make their blood thick and their heart weak.

(if this is not allowed, I will delete.)
shiny as crystal lace frost

... [Mar. 3rd, 2007]

Tired of feeling like this, of being stood up, of meaning nothing.

Please... is there someone out there who loves me?
5 beautiful fears shiny as crystal lace frost

why can't i love myself like others do [Nov. 27th, 2006]

It's taking all of my strength to not just collapse on the floor and wail.

And to not rip my heart out because it aches so much.
3 beautiful fears shiny as crystal lace frost

[Jun. 13th, 2006]

hello everyone,
i'd just like to say how happy i am that everyone has been so kind and respectful thus far and that the community is building itself up so quickly.
i really want to post again on everything that's going on in my life, but i feel like i can't get started because i'm not sure where it all begins, but i'll probably be posting in the next few days once i've collected myself a little and am less of a mess.

anyway, i have a question for you girls:
would anyone object to me making this community a members only thing? i feel uneasy about letting the community remain public when it's supposed to be a matter of keeping things private and in confidence, and although anyone can post as friends only (and many have), i feel like it would be better if the whole community were that way.
i didn't want to go ahead and start changing that without the members' feedback, so let me know
11 beautiful fears shiny as crystal lace frost

seashell comrades [Jun. 13th, 2006]

[ mood | tired ]

Hello all. :)
I'm called lunalunalunalunaLuna. ((I used to be _taintedhalo on flb_angels...))
Writing defines who I am, and I lovelovelovelovlove words more than anything.
I like tea parties, picnics, fireplaces, tea, coffee, the beach, and sosososomuchmore. If I could, I would be a mermaid. I would feel more comfortable, less awkward, safer, with fins instead of clumsy legs. There's more grace beneath the ocean, a grace I wish I could have here. I feel trapped by my own body, as much I know I have to treasure it. IknowIknowIknow. And this year I have learned that great but difficult lesson of loving yourself. I learned to look in the mirror and see everything I was supposed to see, to reconize the beauty that lurked there. It took time, but the change altered my life so deeply and a confidence came about that lead me to an amazing relationship with an incredible boy.

When I was younger, I used to pretend I was a unicorn. More than anything else, the sense of purity involved with the clean white coat and tangled mane... I wish I could have that back. It's sad, so sad, that time can take that away. That the innocence of childhood is so shortlived. Time and death are the only true things that I fear. And I fear them so intensely it almost hurts, it's a constant feeling that I'm just running out of time.

But at the same time, I'm grateful that I'm able to see the beauty in everything, to be able to see the violent splashes of color. Flowers growing out from cracks in the cement. I'm grateful to be inspired by everything, to be able to live my own fairytale, so create, so spin webs of beauty in the lives around mine.

I really hope to meet some amazing people here. I've been looking through the posts and I've already been so inspired by you young ladies. ♥ ♥ Francesca Lia Block fans are so wonderful. :)
Nice to meet you all. :)

13 beautiful fears shiny as crystal lace frost

[Jun. 13th, 2006]

My name is Abbi, and when I read FLB I feel like my skin is some cool liquid jade and hope is some warm animal making a nest in my throat.

I do tarot card readings for other people, and recently I heard that tarot cards are supposed to link the subconcious and concious mind when you do them for yourself (has anyone read The Hanged Man by FLB?). I did several readings about love for myself and got the High Priest as myself for every one.

This confused me, in relationships lately I have been anything but sure and sturdy, anything but faithful and pure and that is the High Priest: in control and wise.

I took a bath a few nights ago and while I was thanking all of my body parts for doing their job I suddenly realized it. My subconcious is wise and in control, it knows what is right and wrong, what is dripping in magic and hibiscus flowers and grass stains. My subconcious knows and my concious mind trips and falters like some newborn horse trying to walk on ground like a see-saw.

And suddenly the two joined, and I realized that I'm going to make mistakes and I'm going to hurt people, I'm going to hurt myself, we all are. But that doesn't mean we're not the High Priest, we just need to get in-tune again like guitars or mandolins, find the right tuning and warm ourselves in that glow-the glow of so much, and I'm sure you know the feeling-that glowing that radiates like a pulse out of you.

I wish that for everyone.
3 beautiful fears shiny as crystal lace frost

[Jun. 12th, 2006]

[ mood | loved ]

i've already posted today but i have something else to say.
reading all of your entries so far has made me really happy.
i love how soo many flb fans are exactly the same.

i look forward to reading all the posts from new or old members in the future.
everyone has been so welcoming to everyone and greeting each eother with wide open arms.

i hope through this community i can find people to talk and connect with.
i hope to make some friends here...people who are the same as me.

i <3 you all already.

7 beautiful fears shiny as crystal lace frost

[Jun. 12th, 2006]

i'm 21. i guess i'm joining b/c some things are too real to talk about with most people but too damaging to hold inside.
i'm in love with tiny crimson droplets drawn with razor blades across my wrist. but i've been clean for almost a year. (this is my addiction)
i am addicted to kissing boys who won't take no for an answer. (this too is my addiction)
i am learning it's not my fault. it's not my fault. it's not my fault. i'm not a whore. running through my head over and over trying to convince myself.
i'm a virgin.
rape is not the only form of abuse.
it's not my fault.
it's hard for me to accept that.
i was in an abusive relationship for 6 years even though we were only together for maybe 5 months. i was the mistress. talk of marriage dangled like a carrot while he fucked other girls and told me he loved me.
he called me a whore and a fucking cunt. that was my breaking point.
i met a guy my best friend thinks is perfect for me. he is the only person i have ever kissed who gives instead of takes. his kisses are healing.
When you kiss me, it's like a thousand things breaking, hate, regret, anger, revenge, all shattering on the rocks, it's like currents changing course and mountains moved by water, like the places in the world where certain plants grow, the desert of the joshua tree and the canyons of oleander, like every coccoon simultaneously becoming a butterfly and taking off into the sky, like Eros himself opening his blind eyes to see the sunrise.
(by neverstarsburn in pancakedancers)

it scares the hell out of me.
his touch makes me want sex. i've never wanted that before. that also scares me.
he has dimples when he smiles. he's adorable and amazing. i want to fall in love slowly and quickly and am terrified.
my mother makes me feel unwanted and like a failure. i am the black sheep, the let down of the family. i am uncertain of my future and don't want some well paying job like my brother and sister want. i want to change the world. i am in love with human kind, and the beauty of love. i believe everyone is beautiful, though it's often hard for me to believe about myself.
last night my church had a service on the beach and i danced in the ocean while singing and worshiping God and seeing his beauty all around me. i felt pieces of me being put back together.
but i am not religious.
after 5 years of depression, i can see beauty in each day. for this, i am deeply grateful.
9 beautiful fears shiny as crystal lace frost

Nice to meet you all. [Jun. 12th, 2006]

[ mood | apathetic ]

Hello there everyone. 
My name is Kristen...some special people call me Kris. (i secretly love it!)
im not quite sure where to begin this introduction about myself.

i started writing this big explanation about what's going on in my life recently. but i stopped read the first sentence and deleted the whole thing. its too complicated. 
im a 15 year old girl who just finished her first year of high school friday. i have no idea what im going to do all summer. nothing i suppose. 
looking at my school year....coming out of it i feel like ive made no close friends. and thats what i want the most. i had one but we stopped being friends over this huge fight thing....we recently made up and are talking more and more but we won't ever be as close as we were again. i have one friend who ive been friends with since the first day but i don't know if i could look to her as a best friend. i dont trust her. 

im in need of someone who i know will always be there for me and who loves me for all of me. seeing i have no one i could call a good friend is making me feel soo alone.....like i have nothing. ive still got three years left of hs but right now i feel like ive made no progress.

3 beautiful fears shiny as crystal lace frost

[Jun. 12th, 2006]

hello, most of you probably know me as ___vedette on flb_angels, but i made this journal specifically for my flb friends to read. anyway, my name is kryssy,Collapse )
10 beautiful fears shiny as crystal lace frost

[Jun. 12th, 2006]

I've called myself Eos before, because I’ve wanted to ride the chariot that brings the dawn. I’ve called myself Eos so I could be like Captain Eo of my Disney 80s Reebok high-top childhood.

I've been called the blue fairy before- la fata azzurra-
And strangely, I’ve been called unreal.
"How can you be real?" my fisher friend with the golden nets told me. My lover man once said, "Sometimes, it's hard for me to believe you're real."

It was nice to feel different…special.

Maybe they think this because I try to see the world like it was one of Francesca Lia Block's novels-
She finds the dark depths of the coldest beauty in even the saddest situations.

I live in Los Angeles 9 months of the academic year- the city enticingly laid out below. I can go in my little pearl jammin slammin car to the city full of decrepit glamour when I choose.
I have found a secret agent lover man, who makes movies – I’ve seen him watch and smile as I put my hands in Marilyn’s prints in front of Grauman's

A perfect fit.

I perform. Singing is the art where I can give and receive simultaneously. I want to perform not to gain national acclaim, I want to perform not for diamonds and rubies and lots of money and to be suffocated by bouquets of flowers.
I want to perform so that I can change people for the better through art and entertainment.
I perform to give people hope, and make people understand
that they are not alone in the passions they feel.

I want to change others this way, the way others have changed me.

Right now I exist in Rome. Ah, Roma.
But underneath all these various places filled with ancient statues and Chinese theaters and multiple Venice's-
My home is in the desert.
the papago beat- every time I hear an acoustic guitar, I am brought back to the foot of the desert mountain, the orange sunsets
The smell of dusty rain, where the sky is the color of mustard.
The call of the turquoise cocopelli flute.
The hohokam ghosts I see dancing in the endless reservation fields.
The peaceful desert is in my heart, where I grew up, my forever home.

I toil with loving myself. More than often, I don't.
Scars on my face=scars in my heart.
I have blue eyes with yellow that make them green
they changed when I was 10
My hair is long and maple
I work so hard for the beauty that seems
to come by nature to the beautiful others who take it for granted.
I want to make friends and hear peoples' stories
to see what everyone toils with
others like me, mystical Francesca lia others...
our consciousnesses' stuck in a good book.
6 beautiful fears shiny as crystal lace frost

Mind if I join? [Jun. 12th, 2006]


Hi, I'm Lily.  A Witch Baby stuck in a woman's body, or a woman stuck on being Witch Baby.  I'm Peter Pan, I'm supposed to be growing up, but I've put my life on hold.  I don't know what I want to do.  I don't know who I am supposed to be.  I miss my old self.  But I'm not that girl anymore.  I have no momentum and my body gets sicker the more that my depression gets better.  Passion and love have cured me, but in the process added 60 pounds I had never seen before I feel in love.  I'm sad that I haven't made anything of myself.  My depression destroyed my old life.  I lost my dreams, my ambitions, my goals and my friends.  But proud that I have launched myself over the hurdle of depression and self mutilation.  I'm just...lost.  I am Helena from Mirror Mask, searching my own creations for what will save me.  And as of yet...I've found nothing. 

6 beautiful fears shiny as crystal lace frost

[Jun. 12th, 2006]

[ mood | contemplative ]

me= ella
lost in life.
loves fun.
loves piercings.
searching for me.

2 beautiful fears shiny as crystal lace frost

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